All the Questions I’m Asked About Using a Sperm Donor

Queer midwives Marea Goodman and Ray Rachlin walk through the pros and cons of choosing a sperm donor to start your family. By Marea Goodman August 25, Finding genetic material for your future children can be, to say the least, an emotional roller coaster. The potential costs of a sperm bank or the logistical challenges of using a donor you know can send many people down a hand-wringing internet rabbit hole. As queer midwives who have guided many families through these decisions, we'll outline the pros and cons of different donor options and tools for helping find the right donor for you. First things first, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. Choosing a sperm donor is important, yes. But having a child is the goal, and finding the donor is just one of the steps to getting there.

Wendy Norman with her son, who was conceived using the donated sperm of Chris Aggeles. Photograph by Audra Melton In first grade, when John drew a picture of his family, around was no dad because he knew his biological father was a sperm donor. His two mothers had all the time been open about that. In the drawing, his birth mother, Wendy Norman, bounces on a trampoline. Janet Norman, his other mom, grades papers classified. His older brother, Kevin, plays capture games. John stands alone at the top of the stairs. About a year later, he would threaten en route for throw himself down them. With a hammer, he bashed holes in a different door.

The process can look like a faultless way to create a family, after that for many, it is. In , the most recent year for which good data is available, some 30, to 60, babies born in the United States were conceived through sperm donation, out of approximately 4 million American babies born that year. At the same time as simple a transaction as sperm bequest can seem to be, though, a few find it to be stressful before isolating—and because assisted reproductive technology is a relatively new, rapidly developing area, the social and emotional challenges so as to can arise between the participants all the rage a sperm donation are, for a lot of, uncharted. Even decades after these practices have become common and their intricacies should theoretically be common knowledge, a lot of of those who opt for sperm donation are still consistently surprised as a result of all the ways it can shape—in some cases straining and, in others, enhancing—family dynamics. One such consistently surprised group is made up of arid men.

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