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October 3, We were friends. Nothing more. Just two kids from Jersey traveling abroad who happened to bump into each other by stereotypical mistake. His White European friends dared him to go and talk to that Black Brazilian girl sitting on the beach, who was really a Black American girl in disguise.
I recapped the entire thing to my friend over a hysterical video chinwag, beginning with the arguing, leading ahead to the Tinder notification, and conclusion with the discovery of another woman's nudes in his deleted iCloud database. My friend's very first question, amidst my tears and freshly packed suitcases was, Was she Black? Her battle did not once cross my attend to, but rather how the man I loved had his arms wrapped adoringly around a woman who was not me. After weeks of replaying can you repeat that? went wrong, what went right, after that all of the typical questions so as to plague one at the end of a relationship, I couldn't help although wonder. Recognizing my own privilege of affording to live and travel in a foreign country, the sea of whiteness I tiringly find myself swimming in has made me hyperaware of how my battle and performance of femininity as a straight, cisgender African-American woman affects how I navigate different cultures, and how they treat me in return.
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